The funny thing is, I had to look that up on Google because I for sure did not grow up with Veggie Tales.
Before age 18 I knew nothing about Jesus Christ except that it was a fun expression to use when you hurt something. Kinda like "God damn it!" (excuse the French)
Some of you guys know that I've been struggling this summer with depression, anxiety, and thoughts of suicide. Before this summer I thought depression was a falacy, like obesity, stop shoving food down your throat and you'll be not obese! I tried to not think about being depressed but alas I was still down and thinking about playing chicken with a semi as I drove along the highway, just for kicks.
God has taught me this summer that depression is real, and it really really sucks. Only recently though has the Lord taught me amazing things that have taken that away, and even more important set me again on fire for the Kingdom.
For the past two years, since I've been a believer, the better part of it has been serving in various youth ministries. I love discipling jr highers and high schoolers, its so much fun and the next generation just excites me. But hidden deep in my heart was a lot of animosity (whao big word). It means to feel jealous or bitter towards someone or something. The question is why? Well it's because many of these kids I work with come from amazing Christian homes, and deep down in my heart it's something that I've always wanted ever since becoming a believer.
This summer it hit me real hard, I stopped thanking God for anything. Nothing to me was good enough. I thought to myself, well since God didn't think it was important enough to give me a Christian family, than I should just not serve Him anymore with a full heart. My ministry suffered, and the worst of all is that I was constantly bitter and resentful of God and of people. I constantly compared myself with other people. My first question would always be, did God love them more? What did God give them? Did He give that to me?
My interactions with others grew more and more distant and I hated being around people. And being a huge extrovert that scared me. I've always been energized by people, I'll share a secret, when I work out, or go running I always think of people that I want to protect, and be running somewhere quickly so I can save someone. I'm a people person. Everytime I hit a punching bag I think of a kid who is being abused by a family member and I'll hit that thing til my knuckles bleed because deep down I want to know I can protect that kid out there. Cheesy but true for me. Imagine being surrounded by an amazing staff of believers that love you, yet you feel like you are all alone, and unable to connect or care about anyone but yourself. It really blows.
This all came to head this past week, my boss where I was working up at a Christian retreat center asked me to consider taking a week off in order to seek the Lord and ask him what was happening in my life. I prayed about it and came together with him and decided it would be best if I took a week off. My heart thirsted for the Word because I knew that was the only thing that would be able to speak truth into my life and heal my depression.
As I read Ephesians 1 I came across a lot of cool stuff..
Vv 4- He chose us before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. (Wow)
Vv 5- Predestined us to be adopted as Sons and Daughters through Christ (God you are good!)
Vv 7- Christ shed blood so that we may be covered and our sin removed (You are amazing God!)
Vv 14- God marks us with a seal, which guarantees are inheritance (Sweet!)
Phil 4:6-7 hit me very hard. "Do not be anxious about anything but with prayer, and petitioning with thanksgiving present your requests to God, and the peace that transcends all understanding will guard your heart in Christ Jesus."
It then hit me, God has lavished upon me blessing after blessing. From an amazing college ministry, to the best friends I could imagine or ask for, to families that have blessed me and shown me what a Christ centered family looks like, to the food I eat everyday, the car I drive, the body I have, the clothes I wear, and I could be thankful to God all night long and it would not end!
As I read more, Ephesians 3:20 says that " Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"
God is able to do with us, and work in us far more than we can ever imagine. The thing that holds back the work and things God has in store for us to do is ourselves. It is not what God has given us or not given us. Some of you reading this come from great Christian homes. For that you are blessed. Now use it. Some of you don't. Well me neither, don't be bitter about it. Count how you've been blessed, God loves you and has blessed you more than you know! God leads us on different paths for His glory.
We as Christians need to stop playing the victim. There are always things you could want, people you wished that would love you, but God is enough! He is our portion and He is our prize. And he is with us wherever we go.
Jer 29:11 always holds true, it's our choice whether or not we take God's plans for us to prosper, or to cling on to fear and anxiety. Never realizing the full potential that He has placed in us. God can do so much more, more than can imagine. Let Him do it!
