A soldier and a brother

The Army mindset carries much into my Christian walk it seems, and Jesus had some similar ideas.

2 Timothy 2:2-4 (New International Version)

²And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. ³Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. ⁴No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer.

Reliable men, who will be qualified. I believe reliable is the key word here. One aspect that has been hitting me for a long time has been the strength of what we say. Sometimes we make promises and just don't think about it when we break them. For the past year I've been striving to make every promise I make, no matter how small or big. For me that is my biggest pet-peve, when brothers and sisters make promises and just blow it off like its nothing. I am so blessed to have some amazing friends that I would trust my life to. But I also have people in my life that are following Christ that I would never turn to or lean on. It feels like with soldiers, you look out for your battle buddy and put their life before yours. Selfless service in the Army of the Lord.

Amen

Open your mind

Actually.. open my mind. I seem to be one of those people that used to have an idea and I would just run with it. Although now I take more time to think and pray, sometimes my mind is still very closed. Remembering back to Salt on Thursday, when Troy announced the new Salt Company in Iowa City and he asked that 100 people should pray and consider going, the first thought that came through my mind was " not me".

I could start listing reasons...
- I'm comfortable
- I love the community here, I'm very involved at Iowa State
- Finally know Ames like the back of my hand..
- I'm lazy
and on and on and on..

However as I did my bad habits of shoving all this stuff away, God keeps bringing it up.. as I pray and think, a campus visit maybe on the horizon..

The Human Spirit

I hate psycholgists that say "Humans are animals with an enlarged frontal lobe." " In chimp studies it can be deduced that similar results in humans.." Shut up. Humans are not animals, we are creations of God, and have a spirit.

I think about the recent case with that Florida teen, Michael Brewer that was set on fire by his five friends. He ran was doused with rubbing alcohol, set on fire, and ran 100 yards and jumped into a swimming pool. He had 2nd and 3rd degree burns on 65 percent of his body. He then sat on lawn chairs for 5 minutes after making a 911 call. I can't even fathom this, what would I have done if 5 of my friends set me on fire? Would I have the courage, or mindset to be able to run 100 yards and jump into a pool? Would I have just sat there and died?

This is such a tragic case, and I pray that the kids that did this would be able to be forgiven and that all sides would be able to have divine forgiveness. I hope someday to have this kind of spirit, to be so young and yet suffer so much but survive. What would I do if children set my child on fire? Would I be able to forgive them? I hope with God's grace I can. I hope I never have to.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2009/11/19/dnt.teen.burned.parents.wfor.wfor

Existence

"Eternity is written on our hearts." Who writes eternity on our hearts? This is a question that every single human at some point in their lives ask themselves.

In Psych 314 today, we studied Existential Psychology, or the scientific study of the mind and existence. Because as humans are we given this unique trait of knowing we are mortal and will die (wonder who gave that to us?)

In order to cope with the knowledge of death we think of things that help us live on.

She paralleled a faith in some sports team with a faith in Jesus. Whatever it takes to help us get through our day.

Really interesting because the Bible explains all these questions.

Question 1- How do you get Eternal Life?

For this is eternal life to know God through Jesus Christ- John 17:3

Question 2- What is the purpose of life?

James 1:27

²⁷Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Okay, so I don't understand Athetistic arguements at all. Since most of them haven't even read the Bible, or at the most skimmed over it in a combative way to look for "inaccuracies."

Crazy how the Bible can..


teach, rebuke, correct and train

¹⁶All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,

I'm living for God. Makes somewhat more sense than living for the Yankees. Lol..

The Chills

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4NlyZqJhwk

When the Holy Spirit wants to make a point it seems like a chill is a common occurance. As I watched the Hillsong United trailer, I was just so captivated by the narration and the images.

This is what makes me cry, angry, and completely sure that only Christ's love will be able to penetrate.



I don't care how much we reduce this atrocity. One child that is suffering like this is too many.

I am so disgusted right now with myself, with our society. Sitting around watching "reality" TV while reality is going on. I don't see NBC making a reality show on the real life of child slaves.

Pray those in slavery, daily, God has such a heart for children, and I know He is hurting more than I could ever hurt.

This world will fade away...

But your word remains FOREVER Jesus, we will shout your praise!

1 Peter 1:23-25 (New International Version)

For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. For,
"All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
²⁵but the word of the Lord stands forever." And this is the word that was preached to you.

Thought of this verse tonight when I was lifting weights. I am so convicted on how much I love to keep my body strong and how weak I feel when I don't work out. Took 3 days off lifting cause of various reasons, laziness, Halloween, blah blah blah. Came back and curling that 100 pounds that was super easy a week ago was terrible. And you know these are things that guys look at, oh crud lost some muscle tone, can't do as much weight.

I am just amazed this scripture verse because the world we live in is so temporal. Our bodies, our present lives, our statuses, and personal glory will all fade away.

Matthew 16:25-27 (New International Version)

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?

Michael Jackson had the world, millions of fans idolizing and basking in his glory. He even baptized his cast in his "glory." In the end he died a lonely death, and no one took the time to share the Gospel with him. What good is it for him now? He gained the entire world and gave up his soul.

God let me strive after You, not my glory, not my status or abilities, because all these will fade away. My short life is but a mist, here one moment and gone another.

As the world turns..

It was a nice Sunday afternoon, a relaxing day after a very busy but exciting weekend :). I decided to log onto my old msn that I had used for gaming a few years back, to my surprise these events took place..

So I was accused of 'spying' on this internet community, and I find it so interesting because I haven't played said game for over a year. Later I was talking with an old friend on msn and he said ya know, we can talk about real life freely but when it comes to my clan I don't trust you at all. Then he continues to list various people that have tried to hurt his internet community and how big of a deal it is to keep good security.

That's super funny, 1/2 a million people will die of starvation around the world, every 12 seconds a woman is raped, every 25 minutes a man, woman or child is killed or abducted in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico. I could keep listing statistics but it is just amazing what could seem like a big deal to certain people. I am no better, I worry about things, and just last night I stayed awake thinking and pondering until about 3 am in the morning about various things.

I am just so glad I have the peace that Jesus brings and the love that surpasses all understanding and storms of life. So as the world turns, some slower for others, and some faster but God lives on. Forever and ever, Amen.

Blowing my mind

"Be careful what you ask for, it might just come true."

God has been just blowing my mind this past week with how amazing He is and just how powerful He can be. As a servant I am just amazed and taken back..

So on Wednesday I get this email from a Chinese friend of mine telling me that he had accepted Christ. This was someone I had met two years ago on a trip to China, a circumstance that could have only been put together by God. The craziness is that this person is an officer in the Chinese army. For someone in the government in China to accept Christ is simply amazing. The amount of taboo and blocking that the Chinese government does to hinder the Gospel is immense. It was just so amazing to see God work in that area.

Thursday I get an email on facebook from a friend that I met over the summer. He and I worked together for over three months and became very close. He helped me through tough times and I had confided in him with many deep and dark times. I guess you could say we were very tight, because we were. We had a bad falling out to the end of his stay. He has bi-polar disorder that was undiagnosed and he sometimes said and did things that were very out of character. After making an extremely inflamatory comment to me we got into a physical altercation in the parking lot. After this after numerous attempts to renconcile I was always given clear rejections. I have been hurting and but more importantly praying for my friend for the past month and a half. We prayed specifically that he would have good fellowship with a group of believers and that they would be able to disciple and help him. Turns out he has been having great fellowship with a small group of guys. His email appoligized to me and a few other people for his words and actions. He also extended a hope that we may become the friends we once were. The awnser to prayer just touched me heart. I was so overjoyed for him that he had started taking medication and more importantly started to have good fellowship and is back on track. Praise God!

The retreat I won't even try and comment on.. it was amazing.. despite the 3 am to 6 am sleeping times of some middle school boys..

New horizones, always have my eye on Him

As I hang out with old friends back in Cedar Rapids it just dawned on me how many changes have happened in the last year..

Doing things I never thought I would do and God taking me to places, to new challenges, to new opporunties I never thought I'd be able to do.

In the last year..

- Grown more in Christ, realized what being baptized really means, and what God's will is and how I need to listen everyday for my part.
- Made amazing friends that have my back always
- Kicked drugs, alcohol, and many bad habits
- Counsled kids for 4 months at a Bible camp
- Worked as a lifeguard
- Made amazing friends at the start of school
- Gained 40 pounds and is healthier than ever
- Signed out with Army ROTC

And God continues to grow me, through His grace.

Am excited to see where I fit into God's plans. Maybe China on the way for Christmas?

Until next time..

As I sit and worship..

Daily I remember Your power and majesty. Of most I remember what a summer it was, and how you worked in my life.

I cannot forget how God works in my daily life, and just how in control He is. From things like a car not working, to just needing His presence everyday. For me this almost feels strange, for much of life I never thought I NEEDED or depended on anything.

Even as I walk through lush sunlight and walk into the best part of my life I've ever lived every day I am still reminder that I must surrender and be nothing. The truth of the matter is that as the cross grows my image gets smaller and smaller.

I am an addict, I am addicted to His power. When I see him express His power it just blows me away. From people just showing unselfish love, to majestic views, to worship songs that let me cry out to Him. God you are something so beautiful beyond my imaginations.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkdMOauMAys&feature=related

Never in a million years

What a crazy three weeks! In the past three weeks God has stretched me to new heights, pulled me out of some lows, and shown me His great and soverign power, over and over. From the people he's impacted, and the people that have impacted me. In the past three weeks I've lived life so full, and I feel like God has used me in great ways to minister and to have fun. In the past three weeks the inner man that screamed on the inside has come out. In the past three weeks I've become more complete. That is all I will write. Sonny just don't forget!

Looking back..

Looking back..

I think about the past a lot, and how if I could time travel back what I would fix..

I would'nt fix anything. I am shaped by having grown up moving several times, leaving all the close relationships I spent years to build and having to rebuild.

I am scarred by having grown up feeling empty, alone, wishing that I would be normal and 200 pounds and overweight.

There's a hole inside of me that nothing could fill, nothing except Christ. That hole made the only worth living for is the wait for death. That hole made me hate myself and hate being born.

I see Christ using that hole to let me never forget that we live in a broken world. He is using that hole to always let me remember that there are people hurting and they have that same hole you did. Don't EVER forget that hole you had and how you felt, how it ate you, how it consumed your world and made it pitch black. I won't forget that hole, because that hole being filled shows that there are other holes that need filling.

I would not fix a thing if I could go back. Although at times my flesh is weak and wishes that I could have been someone else, and had grown up with a normal childhood, grown up happy, grown up proud of myself, grown up loving life. I know God does not make accidents. I live for those that need a whole filled and I want to share the only One who can fill that hole.

Choo Choo Chuga Chuga Choo Choo

A train moves across the country. The wheels turn in a predictable motion. Right now there are days where I am just going through the motions. Many people live their entire life going through the motions and are totally satisfied with that.

Unfourtantly for me I'm not satisfied with that. This deep desire in my heart to feel more, to burn with passion for something more is only satisfied by Christ's love. This year has been a taste of this eternal roller coaster I call Lord and God. Except until the roller coasters at Six Flags, this never gets less fun, less thrilling, less awesome. Right now I am standing in line for this roller coaster but through prayer and great moments of passion I skip and hop ahead of the line.

I want to be on that coaster 24/7, all the time. To feel Him and see Him move all the time.

What is Love

What is love? Baby don't hurt me, baby don't hurt me.. no more..

Okay enough of that garbage...

Love is simple, love is complex, love is pure, love is caring, and love most importantly is Christ.

With my loads of free time I've been reading an old book that I bought a few years back called "Cut". The storyline is about this girl named Callie who cuts herself because of something that is going on in her life. The details are so vivid, one line that puts it clear in my mind goes " I dragged the scissor blades and blood came out in red ribbons, and then ballooned, and finally it burst. I felt a rush, then relief, and then exhaustion." As I read the first 30 pages, Callie showed almost no emotion, she was so hurt inside and her dad won't even come visit her. No one even knows why she is in the treatment hospital. Then a girl named Teresa found out about her cutting in group therapy. It was hard because Callie refused to talk, she won't even utter a word. Teresa said to her as they were going to bed " Callie it's okay if you don't want to talk, just don't hurt yourself, I care about you." The book described Callie's heart just breaking, and she wanted to cry so hard, tears came down hey eyes, but in order to cry she'd have to make a sound and she decided to hold it inside.

I love how Corinthians describe love: ⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Callie's heart broke because Teresa came to her and said " Callie I care, and it's not for any reason than I care for you."

Its really sad how in so many areas of life we forget to love. Being rude and insensitive is more of a norm, and caring for someone makes us look weak and it is perceived as weird. When someone is doing poorly at a job, so many are like vultures, and they wonder why this person won't resign so that THEY can take his job. Why not ask them why they are struggling? Because that just be too non proud, non rude, and too non self seeking.

I intend to always love patiently, kindly, not for pride, not for self seeking glory, not be easily angered, and erase all records of wrongs. No amount of hurt done on me is eternal. Some might say you need to stop watching Barney, haha well I'm going to keep watching ;).

Praise God for words of wisdom! I love how He uses the hurt in the world and hurt that I see around me to teach me how to truly love!

Life in Paradise?

In the past three days, I have spent a total of 6 hours at the pool. Swimming, reading, thinking, reflecting on this year. As I listen to music I am thinking.. the song "Lifesong" says " Let the things I say, Let the things I say, Let my life song sing to You!" I wonder how much time in the past few days I've wasted doing stuff on the computer, and watching TV. The best times in this time where I have almost zero responsibilities has been the time focused on God. I love how God has planted in us something that is not satisfied by this world. When I was heading to the Des Moines airport I was talking with Burdine, and we just talked about what some people think happiness is.

There was this guy I've been debating a bit on Facebook and he said to me " Unlike you I am enjoying lusting, having sex, and using drugs." Jason said to me, " Man we just don't get it. People have been lusting, having sex and doing drugs since the stone age, and how happy were they? How happy is the creator of Playboy? He doesn't look that happy. How happy are people who win the lottery a few weeks after the thrill is gone? These things aren't eternal."

I love how God has just reaffirming that in my life. I am only fully satisfied in Him. Not in pleasures, not in worldly things, not even in the closest of friends. I can see God blessing me with close friends, and I am eternally thankful but even those relationships don't fully satisfy me like Christ's love does. Isn't it funny, Hugh Hefner is surrounded by the world's 'beautiful' women. Yet he does not feel the same joy that a kid like me who worships the living God.

God I love You! I love You for music in this time. I thank You for your faithfulness.

How Great is Our God

How great is our God... SING WITH ME how Great is our God!

That is how I feel right now, so jacked and so intensely blessed by the Lord and our savior Christ.

Our last worship of the year was so wonderful, of the 15 people in our little music room, there was maybe one or two that I hadn't had a blessed moment with this year. It was such a gift from Christ that I was able to look around the room and just remember all the great memories that I had shared with all of them. I think I had the biggest smile on my face today, with so many great friends around me all singing to Christ.

I could not have gotten through this year without God's grace. As I mess up daily and God's grace is more than enough.

God your grace is ENOUGH, Sufficient, Too much, and I soak it up.

Please bless the following year as abundantly!

A Year in Review

I said to myself I would write this tomorrow.. but I hate waiting until tomorrow.

2008 has been a crazy year, more has happened in this one year of life than in many many years. I'll just put it in bullets since its easier.

1.) Faith- I would say this is the biggest thing. There's that slogan "Christianity is not just a religion it's a relationship." That statement is kind of an under statement. Christ is more than a relationship, it is life. As I grow in my faith and my relationship with God it has just been incredible. Being a true Christian is much more than a label, putting a stamp on a drivers license like your political party. I am so excited for what God will do next year, and how as Christ followers we will be involved in His plan.

2.) Friends- This year I have made more solid friends than any other time in my life. I am extremely blessed for great people in my life that are true blessings from Christ. People like Lance, Justin, Ben, Jordan, Jason, Michael, Andrew, and so many other solid people have really blessed my life, and challenge me everyday to be a even better person to glorify Christ. I love men who are passionate, strong on values, there for others, loving, and can shed a tear. I find that evident in most everyone I've met this year, and my only regret is not being able to have a deep relationship more people.

3.) Self- Ben Jensen said to me four weeks ago, " Look at yourself in a week, you should wonder who you were the week before and be able to laugh at who you were a week ago."

At the time I kind of laughed, I mean a week..? Give me a break no one changes like that, and some wonder if people can ever change. Well the answer is yes. Some adjectives for me at the start of the year: Arrogant, lost, proud, rude, broken, scared. Some adjectives for now: Excited, on fire for Christ, loving, deep, working on pride, working on occasional rudeness.

So it is incredible that a week after Ben said to me his statement, I was shocked how much different I was a week ago. That change comes directly from Christ.

I am so blessed that Christ has brought out my goodness, and that I don't have to act fake or put up some front. It is exciting to live without shame, worry, or regret.

4.) Future- I know I am living for Christ. That is certain and that is all the guaranty I need.

I praise God for this year, and pray that next year will be even better.

What a weekend

Stan emailed some guys about a camping trip, and we were expecting exciting things, this was Stan after all and it is never dull with him. Little did we know we'd be killing our lunch. After various activities on Friday and Saturday morning, a 300 pound sow was released and we tracked, shot, and killed it. Meng ripped opened the thing's throat and Collin gutted that thing. Was a lot of fun, it was a lot like cleaning a fish, except it was way bigger, and it shook like crazy even after being shot square in the temple of the head with a .44.

Really a man weekend, I wish I had grown up doing this. Meat tastes better when you cut it off the animal yourself, and it is a great character builder. We live such boring and easy lives, getting up for 11 o clock classes suddenly become a challenge when we're in college, what a laugh.. That pig was dead and being dragged on a pick up by 11:20. This weekend of challenged me to seize the day. I hope to waste less time. I wish I could do this everyday, but I know God will send challenges my way for me to seize the day for Him.

Dreams

Science has tried to explain a lot, we like the big bang, the chance of the Earth coming together like it is now and able to sustain human life is 1 x 10^50000. Wrap your mind around that for a second. You would be typing zeros until your fingers turned red before you typed that bad boy down, and then you know what you have to do? Divide one by it. Anyways random thought, just kinda ticked that so many people believe in this big bang garbage, be like me smashing my cell phone into pieces, putting it in a box and shaking it for a million years, maybe it'll magically regenerate into its original form.

So dreams are things that happen in REM sleep. Now what we can't explain is why we have vivid dreams, and where they come from. Psychologists believe we dream to re arrange our thoughts and better organize them. That is a cool thought but the kind of dreams I've been having haven't been helping me rearrange much.

My dream life in the past week has been me getting tortured, being beat up and my legs and arms just go numb and I'm unable to defend myself and I just get beat and I have to just watch. Watching kids being hurt and me being tied up and unable to do anything about it. I call these dreams spiritual because they come from something that is super natural. No where during my daily life do I think about getting beat up, or seeing children get tortured. I know these dreams come from Satan, and quite honestly I'm cool with that.

A couple of my friends have been having these dreams too, and we all have one thing in common, we're looking to really expand the Kingdom this summer. Some of us are working as counselors all summer at various camps, starting new ministries, and others are taking a leap overseas to lands were Christ has never been reached. I don't think Satan is too thrilled about us doing this. And I relish in that fact. I don't think Satan attacks too many people who are just chillin, I think Satan will give those people happy dreams. Yeah that guy who's just working 9-5, and watching some ESPN and drinking some whiskey on the porch. I think he'll be sleeping well tonight, and tomorrow he'll do the same thing again. Satan's like I'm cool with that, he's doing exactly what I want him to do, and in 30 years or so his soul will be mine.

Paul is a Stud

Paul, aka Saul, aka the guy that killed Christians, and Jesus knocked him off his horse and he was convicted and preached the word to the gentiles had a few words to say, well he had many words, but reading through Corinthians I am just wowed by his studness.

1 Corinthians 1:13 4-7

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I'm just going to let Paul's studness speak for itself. Praise God for giving him these words, and an example to live by.

A good friend is worth everything

For the last year, I've been changing, from a shallow, self reliant, guy who relies so much on himself to someone who is dependent on the Lord. I thank the Lord for putting Lance in my life because I couldn't have gone through a few situations if it hadn't been for some of the great things that Lance did for me.

To anyone out there has shallow emotions and thinks hurt isn't real, well I hear ya, I was there, I was dead a lot of years. Open up, cry a little, you're weak and that is awesome because you're human. From taking me to the ER, to being with me when I wanted to hurt myself, to giving me a hug when I was weak, to comforting me tonight when I was turned down for Salt Leadership. Lance is a true friend, and I still have tears coming down my eyes, but it's because I'm remembering how awesome of a friend Lance is, not because I got turned down. I always felt like it was the correct decesion but when Lance took me in his car and just drove around Ames, and around, and just kept driving and building me up until I was ready to go, I just burst out in tears.

I love you man!!! I was crying so hard I could barely say it, but thank you God for putting so many great people in my life, and defintly Lance.

I am crying so hard right now, but it's alright. Real men cry.

Praise God!!!!

Random thought

I've been thinking a lot about how God is going to use me in His body. I would love to be used like David, Paul, the Disciples, etc and I hope He does. So there is where the thought gets really random, I want God to use me like an orange. Oh you know that fruit we juice out and savor its delicious nectar. The apostle Paul didn't care what happened to his physical body or of death.






In this life there is one certainty and that is we are going to die. There is no question my mind that Jesus is Lord and that God created this world, a lot of which is very broken and hurt. Lord will you use me as an orange, take out all the goodness and leave a shell when You call me home. I desire to do Your will, and only through you do I find strength.

Another random thought, I've been singing that song "Welcome to my Life" by Simple Plan. Which is a horribly morbid song but has a rediciously catchy tune, you could almost sing about serial murder with that tune and make it sound appealing.

"Welcome to my Life."

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you- False, He will be us till the end of time.
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life- It's not your life, stop causing drama.

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?- Heck yeah, Jesus.
Before your life is over- Those who die to themselves will find eternal life.
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?- Above all love another, for love covers a multitude of sins.
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

Way out

The situation with my roommate has really gotten to the point where neither of us can stand each other any longer and it's really unfortunate that it got to this. I'm just really not the kind of guy to take stuff up the rear end for an extended period of time and not deal with it, and my kind of requests have been largely ignored this entire semester and it has become to the point where the requests have stopped being nice. I am really happy that God gave me a way out and I was blessed to snag that room on 2nd floor.

I just really think it's been a beautiful day, just so awesome, the weather was perfect, and you could just see God's glory in the skies as I took a run today. I am super exhausted and ready for some rest, listening to some music and get this new room arranged. I feel like I'm super lazy at times, I hope that changes.

Your Will

Leadership interview is coming up in two days and many mixed and turbulant thoughts cloud my head. Laying here I kept singing the start of " I desire"

" I desire to do Your will my God. For Your great name, I long to love you my Lord."

How great is the Lord and am I going on a path that is desiring to His will? In connection group tomorrow we will be talking about the Nature of man, and that really gets me thinking. My nature is to lead, it is to do chase after how I think I will best serve in His kingdom. However is that His desire?

I am just super convicted by that phrase, "To do YOUR will" The last thing I want to do going into any kind of leadership is to do my will, because my will is worthless and petty. This is something that I pray the Lord will give me guidance. I will submit to His will, and if that means to not lead at all next year and to continue to grow in a connection group then that is awesome. God I desire to do YOUR will, above all else.

Frustration

Another run in with my roommate tonight. Three times I asked him to turn the TV down, and three times he extended the wait time. I really feel that God has placed him in my life for me to be a positive influence.

I asked him if could use his Ipod touch to watch a movie or something and he responds "It's not the same, I want to watch TV."

In a minute he turned off the TV, and I found myself loosing control again. He goes " Im just ready for bed." and I responded in a firm well I'm not not ready, and was ready to play some songs on my laptop loud all night just to make a point.

All of his actions show that he really just dosen't know how to care. I think we can all relate to that, as babies all we knew was I, what I wanted, what was for Me. I am really just saddened by this. The little pain he is causing me right now won't matter in a few weeks, but I really hurt for his situation. I can see him trying to fill his void with the TV all day long. Watching the drams and pains of others to try and satisfy his emptiness.

As frustrated as I am, I think I'll use this blog to vent instead of being childish and just going with what the world will do in a situation like this. Lord I hope you keep me calm, and let me remember to love him, because love truly does cover a multitude of sins. It is getting harder and harder, and only three weeks of school left to make a difference.

Praise God! You are my rock and the only thing keeping me from just blowing up on him right now.

Religious views: Christian

I have officially declared that I am no longer a Christian. I am done with that word and will forever be a Follower of Christ, His slave. I am really sick and tired of those who claim to be Christians and don't actually follow Christ. America is 70% Christian. Yeah right. If we were all following Christ I don't think we'd have the crime, drug traffiking, and just stupid reckless things that happen in this country.

Mark Arant said that we should look at a sitaution with positivity. I really do have abounding hope that someday America will be a real Christian nation.

"I see a generation, rising up to take their place, in selfless faith."

I love that verse, it gives me hope. I challenge all those who call themselves Christians to look at your lives and see if you give a darn about Christ at all. His Sacrafice, the sacrafice of those first few that spread the Gospel. Please join this generation, that is picking up their cross, to take THEIR place, in the most selfless faith we can, although we many times fall short, we're trying our best with our hearts, are you trying your best?

Easter

He is Risen.. and that is why we have hope, and that is why we sing!

Sun Apr 12 2009-

Easter.

Go on google and type in "Easter". The first twenty pages are all pictures of animated bunnies. At page twenty one the bunnies start to fade away into easter flavored M & M's. Paul's message really convicted me when he said that most people think of Easter as egg hunts and some silly rabbit.. This is the first year I thought about the real meaning of Easter, which is God sending his one and only Son and taking away our sins. It's so huge if you look at it this way.. God who is all powerful, who created the world with a breathe humbling Himself to our level, to be beaten and mocked by us, and saving those who would mock Him.

Silly rabbit.. Easter is for Jesus.

Now for an afternoon rest before getting to some philosophical studying..

Last but not least... praise God!!!