Dreams

Science has tried to explain a lot, we like the big bang, the chance of the Earth coming together like it is now and able to sustain human life is 1 x 10^50000. Wrap your mind around that for a second. You would be typing zeros until your fingers turned red before you typed that bad boy down, and then you know what you have to do? Divide one by it. Anyways random thought, just kinda ticked that so many people believe in this big bang garbage, be like me smashing my cell phone into pieces, putting it in a box and shaking it for a million years, maybe it'll magically regenerate into its original form.

So dreams are things that happen in REM sleep. Now what we can't explain is why we have vivid dreams, and where they come from. Psychologists believe we dream to re arrange our thoughts and better organize them. That is a cool thought but the kind of dreams I've been having haven't been helping me rearrange much.

My dream life in the past week has been me getting tortured, being beat up and my legs and arms just go numb and I'm unable to defend myself and I just get beat and I have to just watch. Watching kids being hurt and me being tied up and unable to do anything about it. I call these dreams spiritual because they come from something that is super natural. No where during my daily life do I think about getting beat up, or seeing children get tortured. I know these dreams come from Satan, and quite honestly I'm cool with that.

A couple of my friends have been having these dreams too, and we all have one thing in common, we're looking to really expand the Kingdom this summer. Some of us are working as counselors all summer at various camps, starting new ministries, and others are taking a leap overseas to lands were Christ has never been reached. I don't think Satan is too thrilled about us doing this. And I relish in that fact. I don't think Satan attacks too many people who are just chillin, I think Satan will give those people happy dreams. Yeah that guy who's just working 9-5, and watching some ESPN and drinking some whiskey on the porch. I think he'll be sleeping well tonight, and tomorrow he'll do the same thing again. Satan's like I'm cool with that, he's doing exactly what I want him to do, and in 30 years or so his soul will be mine.

Paul is a Stud

Paul, aka Saul, aka the guy that killed Christians, and Jesus knocked him off his horse and he was convicted and preached the word to the gentiles had a few words to say, well he had many words, but reading through Corinthians I am just wowed by his studness.

1 Corinthians 1:13 4-7

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I'm just going to let Paul's studness speak for itself. Praise God for giving him these words, and an example to live by.

A good friend is worth everything

For the last year, I've been changing, from a shallow, self reliant, guy who relies so much on himself to someone who is dependent on the Lord. I thank the Lord for putting Lance in my life because I couldn't have gone through a few situations if it hadn't been for some of the great things that Lance did for me.

To anyone out there has shallow emotions and thinks hurt isn't real, well I hear ya, I was there, I was dead a lot of years. Open up, cry a little, you're weak and that is awesome because you're human. From taking me to the ER, to being with me when I wanted to hurt myself, to giving me a hug when I was weak, to comforting me tonight when I was turned down for Salt Leadership. Lance is a true friend, and I still have tears coming down my eyes, but it's because I'm remembering how awesome of a friend Lance is, not because I got turned down. I always felt like it was the correct decesion but when Lance took me in his car and just drove around Ames, and around, and just kept driving and building me up until I was ready to go, I just burst out in tears.

I love you man!!! I was crying so hard I could barely say it, but thank you God for putting so many great people in my life, and defintly Lance.

I am crying so hard right now, but it's alright. Real men cry.

Praise God!!!!

Random thought

I've been thinking a lot about how God is going to use me in His body. I would love to be used like David, Paul, the Disciples, etc and I hope He does. So there is where the thought gets really random, I want God to use me like an orange. Oh you know that fruit we juice out and savor its delicious nectar. The apostle Paul didn't care what happened to his physical body or of death.






In this life there is one certainty and that is we are going to die. There is no question my mind that Jesus is Lord and that God created this world, a lot of which is very broken and hurt. Lord will you use me as an orange, take out all the goodness and leave a shell when You call me home. I desire to do Your will, and only through you do I find strength.

Another random thought, I've been singing that song "Welcome to my Life" by Simple Plan. Which is a horribly morbid song but has a rediciously catchy tune, you could almost sing about serial murder with that tune and make it sound appealing.

"Welcome to my Life."

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you- False, He will be us till the end of time.
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life- It's not your life, stop causing drama.

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?- Heck yeah, Jesus.
Before your life is over- Those who die to themselves will find eternal life.
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?- Above all love another, for love covers a multitude of sins.
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

Way out

The situation with my roommate has really gotten to the point where neither of us can stand each other any longer and it's really unfortunate that it got to this. I'm just really not the kind of guy to take stuff up the rear end for an extended period of time and not deal with it, and my kind of requests have been largely ignored this entire semester and it has become to the point where the requests have stopped being nice. I am really happy that God gave me a way out and I was blessed to snag that room on 2nd floor.

I just really think it's been a beautiful day, just so awesome, the weather was perfect, and you could just see God's glory in the skies as I took a run today. I am super exhausted and ready for some rest, listening to some music and get this new room arranged. I feel like I'm super lazy at times, I hope that changes.

Your Will

Leadership interview is coming up in two days and many mixed and turbulant thoughts cloud my head. Laying here I kept singing the start of " I desire"

" I desire to do Your will my God. For Your great name, I long to love you my Lord."

How great is the Lord and am I going on a path that is desiring to His will? In connection group tomorrow we will be talking about the Nature of man, and that really gets me thinking. My nature is to lead, it is to do chase after how I think I will best serve in His kingdom. However is that His desire?

I am just super convicted by that phrase, "To do YOUR will" The last thing I want to do going into any kind of leadership is to do my will, because my will is worthless and petty. This is something that I pray the Lord will give me guidance. I will submit to His will, and if that means to not lead at all next year and to continue to grow in a connection group then that is awesome. God I desire to do YOUR will, above all else.

Frustration

Another run in with my roommate tonight. Three times I asked him to turn the TV down, and three times he extended the wait time. I really feel that God has placed him in my life for me to be a positive influence.

I asked him if could use his Ipod touch to watch a movie or something and he responds "It's not the same, I want to watch TV."

In a minute he turned off the TV, and I found myself loosing control again. He goes " Im just ready for bed." and I responded in a firm well I'm not not ready, and was ready to play some songs on my laptop loud all night just to make a point.

All of his actions show that he really just dosen't know how to care. I think we can all relate to that, as babies all we knew was I, what I wanted, what was for Me. I am really just saddened by this. The little pain he is causing me right now won't matter in a few weeks, but I really hurt for his situation. I can see him trying to fill his void with the TV all day long. Watching the drams and pains of others to try and satisfy his emptiness.

As frustrated as I am, I think I'll use this blog to vent instead of being childish and just going with what the world will do in a situation like this. Lord I hope you keep me calm, and let me remember to love him, because love truly does cover a multitude of sins. It is getting harder and harder, and only three weeks of school left to make a difference.

Praise God! You are my rock and the only thing keeping me from just blowing up on him right now.

Religious views: Christian

I have officially declared that I am no longer a Christian. I am done with that word and will forever be a Follower of Christ, His slave. I am really sick and tired of those who claim to be Christians and don't actually follow Christ. America is 70% Christian. Yeah right. If we were all following Christ I don't think we'd have the crime, drug traffiking, and just stupid reckless things that happen in this country.

Mark Arant said that we should look at a sitaution with positivity. I really do have abounding hope that someday America will be a real Christian nation.

"I see a generation, rising up to take their place, in selfless faith."

I love that verse, it gives me hope. I challenge all those who call themselves Christians to look at your lives and see if you give a darn about Christ at all. His Sacrafice, the sacrafice of those first few that spread the Gospel. Please join this generation, that is picking up their cross, to take THEIR place, in the most selfless faith we can, although we many times fall short, we're trying our best with our hearts, are you trying your best?

Easter

He is Risen.. and that is why we have hope, and that is why we sing!

Sun Apr 12 2009-

Easter.

Go on google and type in "Easter". The first twenty pages are all pictures of animated bunnies. At page twenty one the bunnies start to fade away into easter flavored M & M's. Paul's message really convicted me when he said that most people think of Easter as egg hunts and some silly rabbit.. This is the first year I thought about the real meaning of Easter, which is God sending his one and only Son and taking away our sins. It's so huge if you look at it this way.. God who is all powerful, who created the world with a breathe humbling Himself to our level, to be beaten and mocked by us, and saving those who would mock Him.

Silly rabbit.. Easter is for Jesus.

Now for an afternoon rest before getting to some philosophical studying..

Last but not least... praise God!!!